Jose the miracle man
I have a confession to make. Home ownership is a pain in the caboose. I know how lucky I am to live in a home, to own a home, and to have been able to raise a family in a home. But, let’s be honest, if you own and live in a home with someone who doesn’t know how to change a lightbulb, it makes things frustrating.
Years and years ago, we had really, really bad rain. This was before Hurricane Sandy, before we did construction, so that has to be about 25 years ago. There was water coming through the windows in almost every room. There was water coming up through the carpet in the basement. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink, but plenty to clean up.
I would be running from room to room, mopping everything up. Towels soaking up the water in the basement, probably cursing under my breath (or over, not important) and Husband #1 would be sitting on the couch with his three sons, most likely watching a sporting event.
Toilet seat needs changing? I am your man. Toilet needs plunging? I am also your man. Though I do draw the line at electrical work. After trying to retrieve a piece of lightbulb that broke off, I didn’t realize the power was on and, zap, that was fun. Chairs have screws that need to be tightened? Here, let me get the screwdriver. Paintings need to be hung up? Here, let me hammer that in for you.
Clogged drain? “Honey, can you call the plumber?” I ask. “Huh?” Husband #1 would reply. I think I have made my point.
Oh wait, one more thing, I also do the grilling. My parents bought us a barbecue for our 10th anniversary, and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. I even enjoyed finding different places to exchange the propane tanks. No, Husband #1 isn’t even the stereotypical husband who grills while drinking a beer. He doesn’t grill and he has never had a beer.
But he learns Daf Yomi (a page of Gemara a day), so that is something. He is always trying to do something that guarantees we don’t end up in the same place in the afterlife. Wherever and whatever those places may be…
When we did construction on our house, we put in a patio that would fit our sukkah. I was very excited about this patio because we would also use it to have barbecues. And for the boys to color with chalk, host birthday parties, etc., etc.
In any event, over the years, various things have sprouted up in the cracks of the patio — you know, weeds and what have you. And now our sukkah poles are up full time because since none of our boys live nearby, we only have to put the panels up and not worry about finding someone to help us with the poles.
Over the years, in addition to what has been growing on our patio, the stairs leading down to the patio and the side of the house have been colored and covered with a lovely, slippery green substance. I think it is moss, but it has made walking down the stairs pretty hazardous, and the treads I have put on the steps to make them safer had gotten to a point where they no longer could stick to the wood because of the green substance.
Oh, and the handrail on the steps was broken. Good times.
I had found this handyman through a friend. Honestly, I cannot remember who initially recommended him to me. I decided to ask him if he could power-wash the steps and the side of the house.
He came over, looked around, and asked me if I wanted him to power-wash the patio. I didn’t even know you could do that! Wow!!
So two weeks later, he came over and power-washed everything.
It was a miracle. I have a whole new backyard. I had moved the sukkah pole situation onto the grass, so it still is a little white-trashy, but my patio is the Garden of Eden, and I was able to walk down the stairs without the fear of leg breakage and use my barbecue for the first time in two years.
I love Jose. No, he will not be Husband #2, but it is good to have his number handy while I still own a home…
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is happy to share Jose with all of you, 201-846-2537
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