Are you responsible?
Every so often, I come across or hear a phrase that I feel needs further exploration: “Responsibly raised meat.” This is the current phrase that has been on my mind. If you are a vegetarian, or a pescatarian, or a vegan, or someone who just doesn’t like hamburgers, you might not find this discussion of any interest. Though if you aren’t one of those, you might not find this of any interest regardless, but here I go anyway.
Now, when you say “responsibly raised,” does that mean they don’t watch any television, take weekly trips to the library, and never say “no” when you ask them to do something? Does that mean that they know how to do laundry and make their beds? Put away their toys and visit the elderly? Never talk back or fight with their siblings? Make only good decisions and not drink or use illegal substances? Have a stellar shidduch resume?
And if they are so responsible and well behaved, why do you end up eating them?
That phrase seems a little cruel. And I am an eater of meat. I would like to think that the cows that are obnoxious and don’t follow the line leaders would be easier to turn into cholent meat. You know those cows — the ones that give you dirty looks when you drive by them on the highway. The poor cows that have been stuck in a zoo for decades. Put them out of their misery.
“Grass-fed ground beef.” Let me ask you something — what do cows normally eat? Even Strudel knows that cows eat grass. Are there cows that are being fed chocolate? Drinking Diet Coke and eating pizza? I am a bit confused by this advertisement. They are responsible and eat only grass. And if they eat only grass, isn’t that like a person eating only salad? How does the cow weigh so much, but the person eating the grass-only diet does not? Please explain.
And finally, “They are allowed to engage in normal activities.” People, we are talking about cows. Normal activities for cows are standing in a field, walking in a field, and sleeping in a field. Now, there are rumors that cows sleep while standing, but, upon googling this, I discovered that cows do, indeed, lie down when they are in a deep sleep.
Are there other meat companies that don’t give a cow access to normal activities? And, if so, how does that affect what they taste like? Again, if you are not a meat eater (or are a meat eater) I apologize for the visuals. Does a hamburger made from a cow that can play basketball taste different than a hamburger made from a cow that has not engaged in normal cow-like activities?
How are these descriptions supposed to make us feel? An anxious cow who has a grass allergy is allowed to live, but the responsible, healthy cow becomes dinner? Or is the anxious cow cheaper per pound?
Okay, I will leave that alone.
On a lighter note, I recently came across a study that shows that middle children are the most well-adjusted. Of course, this is a study that I am a firm believer in because I am a middle child. Apparently, according to this study, oldest children are the most intense and driven, and youngest children are the most spoiled. Middle children are just the best. We are easy going, the peacemakers, have the biggest hearts, and are the most well rounded. We are always there to help others, and we never give ourselves credit for all the good things we do.
Now, in the past, I have written columns about how studies always change and the “latest” study on something is bound to be refuted in a few years (or a few minutes, depending on the study and where you are getting your information from), but I don’t think there is any getting around this one. Middle children are awesome.
But as a parent, I know that oldest children are awesome and youngest children are awesome. Now, if you are the parent of a cow, apparently you don’t want any of your children to be awesome because if they are too responsible, they become food.
Yes, that is how I brought this all together.
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck loves when people see Strudel and say, “Are you Strudel?” and she looks at them and says, “No, I’m not Strudel,” and then tells them her real name…
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