Softening loss with Bags of Hope
Teaneck shuls help make back-to-school easier for kids of fallen soldiers
I had to fight back tears as I stood in a Jerusalem hotel hallway crowded with about 220 young war widows pushing strollers and holding hands of their little ones.
Of course, I knew that more than 700 IDF soldiers and Israeli police officers have fallen since October 7, leaving behind a bereaving cohort of wives and children.
It’s entirely another thing to witness a mass of fatherless toddlers sucking pacifiers, their older siblings horsing around, and moms attempting simultaneously to mind their kids and befriend other members of this club nobody wants to join.
There is a time to weep, says Ecclesiastes. And I realized this wasn’t it. Despite their surely blinding grief, these mothers, in this moment, were focused on one thing: checking off the boxes on their kids’ school supply lists.
These women may feel that the world stopped on the day their lives were shattered. Yet the planet kept spinning, and on September 1 — ready or not — their kids had to start school.
So there they were, on the evening of August 20, encouraging each school-age child to choose a new backpack and fill it with new notebooks, pens, pencils, markers, glue sticks, erasers, pencil cases, and everything else on that checklist.
The Bags of Hope giveaway took place within the context of a three-day retreat at the hotel sponsored by the 236-year-old charitable organization Colel Chabad and its newer volunteer program, Pantry Packers.
And although it’s been 17 years since we made aliyah from Teaneck, I was super proud to see that the project was made possible, in large part, by contributions from five Teaneck shuls: Bnai Yeshurun, Rinat Yisrael, Beth Aaron, Keter Torah, and Ohr Saadya.
The Rosenthal family of Bergenfield was helping to organize and hand out supplies along with volunteers from the Five Towns and Los Angeles, among other places.
Rivki Rosenthal, youth director at Keter Torah, said she and her husband, Motty, and their children
Yonatan, 14; Ayelet, 12; and Gavriel, 10, were in Israel to visit relatives, specifically at this time when they felt Israel needs moral and financial support.
“Until the last day I wasn’t sure I was going to feel comfortable coming, but we made the decision together to just do it,” Ms. Rosenthal said. “And honestly, when you’re here, you don’t feel fear. You feel like you’re part of something bigger.
“Today we’re here as volunteers to help anybody who has lost a family member in the war to choose supplies for school, maybe find the right color scissors or backpack, and just do whatever we can for them.”
The Rosenthals also planned to package dry goods for needy families at Pantry Packers Jerusalem headquarters, and were hoping to attend at least one of the funerals for the six deceased hostages retrieved by IDF soldiers the previous night in Gaza.
Local support for Bags of Hope was marshaled by Rivka and Rabbi Yehoshua Szafranski, co-youth directors of Bnai Yeshurun.
The Bnai Yeshurun Youth Department has been involved in fundraising efforts for the past 10 years — specifically for Israelis affected by ongoing Hamas attacks — in coordination with Rabbi Menachem Traxler, director of volunteering for Colel Chabad and founder-director of Pantry Packers.
“Anytime there is a flareup, we do projects. At the beginning of this war, we distributed many toys to children in the south through our Toys for Kids in Israel campaign,” said Rabbi Traxler. (The campaign’s website is toysforkidsinisrael.com; donations to Bags of Hope can be made here too.)
“Recently I reached out to Rivka and said we need to fundraise for school supplies. She liked the idea,” he said. She spread the word to other shuls. As soon as Bags of Hope had reached its initial $15,000 goal, Rabbi Traxler went shopping.
He made a point of purchasing top-of-the line products. I saw that the items didn’t have Colel Chabad logos or any other markings that might make the children feel pitied by their peers.
“We negotiated good pricing, but we didn’t cut corners on the quality. We want the kids to have the best,” Rabbi Traxler said.
“And we’re continuing to raise money because we want to send out more school bags to social workers throughout the country to help more orphans.”
Rabbi Traxler noted that last Chanukah, Pantry Packers was able to host bereaved families of fallen soldiers at another retreat, and give gifts to the children, with the help of donors including Temple Emanu-El of Closter.
Another New Jersey connection, the Jewish Federation of MetroWest, contributed to food distributions and other projects at the beginning of the war, according to Rabbi Mendy Blau, director of operations for Colel Chabad in Israel.
“We’re not focusing now on giving these widows money or food; most are receiving money from the government,” he told me.
“We’re providing things they don’t get from the government, such as babysitters, big brothers/big sisters and tutors — and everything else they may need. They have to start to build their lives again, and we are there to help.”
The retreats, he said, not only provide sorely needed respite and recreation but also empower the widows to form social connections with others in their situation.
“They’re speaking to each other, they’re making WhatsApp groups,” Rabbi Blau said, indicating the throngs of women chatting in the hallway.
The majority appeared to be from the religious Zionist stream, roughly similar in orientation to modern Orthodoxy in the United States. This community has taken a disproportionate hit in terms of fallen soldiers.
“Everyone you see here today was widowed during this war, since October 7,” Rabbi Blau said.
As I made my way to the hotel exit, I saw musicians arriving for a concert later that night by popular singer Yonatan Razel.
Again, I thought of Ecclesiastes: There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. On occasions like this, the distinctions are blurred, and I discovered it’s possible to smile through the tears.
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