Social media and instant outrage

It all happened so fast — and it spread like wildfire.

Last week, Chana Schneider of Fair Lawn posted a story on her Facebook page detailing the apparently racist and antisemitic actions of a local barber, who cut off her 11-year-old son’s peyot — his sidelocks — despite her continued protests.

Ms. Schneider said she was telling the story as a cautionary tale, and by the next morning, it seemed that the entire Jewish world knew about it, thanks to word of mouth and the plethora of websites and news services that cater to the Orthodox community. On Friday morning, my daughter-in-law’s mom in East Brunswick could recite the allegations by heart, and my children in Maryland knew of them as well.

The Jewish Federation of Northern New Jersey issued an alert, and Yeshiva University weighed in as well, condemning the incident.

At that point, outraged bystanders were eager to speak with me.

The Fair Lawn police department conducted an investigation, convening a meeting between the barbershop owner, the barber who cut the boy’s hair, Ms. Schneider, and her son. Rabbi Andrew Markowitz of Fair Lawn’s Congregation Shomrei Torah and Rabbi Andrew Schultz, newly named chaplain of the Fair Lawn police department, were at the meeting as well.

The police subsequently issued a statement, as did Rabbi Markowitz. Both statements asserted that the incident was the result of a misunderstanding, not a deliberate act of antisemitism. Both statements pleaded with the community to defuse the anger. Indeed, the police statement began with the request, “Please share so that no further speculation or misinformation is spread.”

Rabbi Markowitz wrote: “Today, I met with members of the Fair Lawn Police Department, Rabbi Andrew Schultz, and the mother and son involved in a recent incident, along with the barber and owner of Broadway Barber Shop. The meeting provided an opportunity for all parties to share their perspectives and address concerns. After an open and honest discussion, it was determined that the incident was a misunderstanding with no malicious intent.

“The barber and owner expressed remorse and apologized for the distress caused, and the mother acknowledged and appreciated their clarification. Both sides committed to moving forward with mutual understanding.”

Suddenly, the outraged parties I called for comment had nothing to say. When the story broke, the anger we all felt prompted us to speak out, but when the facts came into question — facts that we didn’t really care about when we had our gut reactions — somehow there was less to say.

Some people, even now, insist that the police statement is some kind of cover-up, looking to whitewash an obvious case of antisemitism. It seems so much easier to believe the worst and to hate our “enemies.”

Just to satisfy my own curiosity — and because reporting involves speaking with real people — I visited the barbershop, which up to this incident had received many positive reviews on its website. A beautician was in the shop when I got there; she overcame her initial reluctance and agreed to speak about the incident. Of course, every dispute has an element of he said-she said. But here’s what she reported.

There are pictures of different haircuts posted on the shop’s wall, and Ms. Schneider pointed to the one she wanted for her son, the beautician said. She did ask the barber to be careful of her son’s peyot, but the man cutting the boy’s hair, a trainee new to the shop, clearly didn’t understand and just followed the picture. Both mother and son were justifiably upset.

Here, the beautician became animated.

“I’m a Polish Jew,” she said. “Eighty percent of my clients are Jewish, including Orthodox Jews. We’ve never had a complaint.” She went on to say that she chose to work in that shop because of the warmth and openness of the owner and staff, but “now, people are tying up the phone lines so customers can’t get through.” In addition, people are posting horrible things on the website, likening the owner to Hamas.

The beautician said more, but since her words cannot be independently verified, juicy as they are, I cannot report them.

This week, Ms. Schneider posted another statement on her website, noting that she did not agree with the police statement and that she still believed her son’s peyot were cut intentionally. She did, however, add that “the outcome in this case is that the owner of the barbershop took action and fired the barber that cut my son’s Payes, he apologized, and offered free haircuts for my boys for as long as we wish. I learnt my lesson and I will be more careful where I decide to go, but he did too and showed interest in making it right.”

I wasn’t there, and neither was almost anyone else talking about it now, there, so we get to choose the version of the story we like best. I guess in a way it depends on what you want to believe.

Still, as the police statement said, “The incident emphasizes the need to avoid rushing to judgment. More importantly, it shows that we can work together and come to a common understanding in this community….

“Despite cultural differences, we’re serving as a model for all by demonstrating that we can sit down and peaceably discuss the situation.”