Seeking peace of mind, 5000 miles from home
Local families host battle-hardened IDF reservists and their therapists
On June 8, a group of 18 Israeli men, all IDF reservists, arrived in Tenafly, where they were hosted by members of Temple Sinai of Bergen County. The war between Israel and Iran turned what was meant to be a week-long intensive therapy and healing program into a two-week stay.
The Zoom discussion that resulted in Temple Sinai hosting the Peace of Mind program was organized by Chaim Landau. Mr. Landau grew up in Elizabeth, but moved to Israel right after high school — “I joined the IDF as a combat soldier in the tank corps,” he said — and he’s lived in Jerusalem for more than 20 years. He and his wife, Simmi, met Danny Brom at their Jerusalem synagogue, Yedidya, in 2017. Dr. Brom is the founding director of the Metiv Israel Psychotrauma Center, and Mr. Landau is its director of partnerships. He leads a network of 80 communities England, Canada, and the United States that hosts IDF reserve units.
“Dr. Brom moved to Israel from Holland in the 1980s with a Ph.D. in trauma care,” Mr. Landau said. “At that time, he was told by fellow mental health professionals that they weren’t seeing trauma in their clinics. But Dr. Brom believed that it wasn’t that there was no trauma, it just wasn’t seen or recognized. He founded Metiv, which now has a staff of 50 and a freelance network of 200 therapists trained in trauma, in an effort to focus on treatment, research, evaluation, and training to reach a wider field within Israel and abroad.”
Metiv — the Hebrew word means to do good, to improve — is affiliated with the Herzog Medical Center in Jerusalem. Because, as Dr. Brom says, “Combat trauma doesn’t end when military service is over.” In 2007, after the second Lebanese war, it began to offer a therapeutic intervention program. That program, Peace of Mind, gives members of IDF reserve units the time and space to process their combat experiences together.
Peace of Mind supports soldiers who have “gone through something very extreme, are carrying a great deal of emotional baggage, and need to acquire the tools to live their best lives as civilians, as fathers, as husbands, as professionals, as people,” Mr. Landau said. “Our participants are normal and productive members of Israeli society who have gone through the horrors of war and need the time and space to heal.”
He explained how the Peace of Mind program functions.
“We work with groups of IDF reserve units who fought together, know one another, and trust each other,” he said. “This removes the stigma of the therapeutic process because the entire unit is traveling together. They learn to express emotion, communicate with each other, and expose their vulnerabilities to the men they’ve served with.
“Each group is led by two clinical psychologists or social workers who specialize in trauma. Each Peace of Mind program offers 40 hours of group therapy abroad, and 20 hours in Israel before and after the trip. Each participant is eligible for 12 one-on-one therapy sessions after their time abroad. Peace of Mind aims for the soldiers to have fun while abroad with their host families, but the vast majority of time is spent in intensive group therapy.” The therapy groups are conducted in Hebrew.
“Most units hear about Peace of Mind through word of mouth,” Mr. Landau continued. “The program is not advertised in Israel. A clinical assessment is conducted for each unit that applies, and the units are prioritized based on their needs and the urgency of their needs. Additionally, in order to come on the program, the unit as a whole has to commit to the entire process, including the eight days abroad and all the Israel-based workshops before and afterwards
“So why do we schlep 18 participants accompanied by two therapists for eight days abroad, when we could provide the same care in Israel?” Mr. Landau asked. “First, the role of the host community is key. Most of our participants know nothing about Jewish life outside of Israel. They don’t recognize the solidarity that American Jews feel toward Israel. The warmth and love they receive provides an ideal environment for the therapeutic process.
“Second, some participants carry anger and frustration towards their government or their commanders in the IDF. We want them to disconnect from the stressors and pressure of daily life in Israel. A new environment allows them to think and speak openly in ways they’d not known were possible.”
Mr. Landau sees that the host communities go out of their way to offer the soldiers love, warmth, respect and affection. “They see the soldiers as heroes, and soon the participants themselves begin to see that their experiences in service have meaning and purpose,” he said. By the end of a long week of treatment and involvement with their host families, the reservists have another layer of understanding as to why they did what they did. They recognize that they weren’t just fighting for the state of Israel, but for the Jewish people.”
Combat units are made up of Conservative, Reform, Orthodox, and secular Jews, but when they come together, they bond, Mr. Landau said. “Everyone respects everyone else’s traditions and rituals,” he continued. “We have all kinds of Jews in the IDF and work with all kinds of communities.
“The goal of the Peace of Mind program is to ensure that those who served return to Israel with the ability to reintegrate after experiencing the trauma of war. We want to give them the best opportunity to live healthy, wholesome lives.”
Before October 7, Peace of Mind ran 25 programs abroad. This year it will run 50. “Along with funding from the host community, the Ministry of Defense, and additional philanthropic support, Metiv invests a lot of money in each participant,” Mr. Landau said.
“I travel several times a year to the U.S. for programming, to support the host community, and get to know people. I schedule meetings with potential communities, communities scheduled to host for their first time, and for debriefing sessions with communities that recently hosted. I also meet with donors and board members.
“In December 2024, on a visit to NY/NJ, I met with Rabbi Millstein of Temple Sinai and joined a parlor meeting with about 35 people. This was an opportunity for the host community to finalize arrangements and raise the last monies needed to run the program. Shortly afterward, Temple Sinai made a decision to move ahead.”
But how did Temple Sinai get involved with the Peace of Mind program in the first place?
It began with Penny Ostreicher of Manhattan. Ms. Ostreicher, a divorced mother of four, learned about the Metiv Research Institute in 2006 when her 26-year-old son, Elliot, traveled to Israel to serve as a lone soldier. “It was the end of Elliot’s second year of service in the second Lebanese war when he called me. ‘Mom,’ he said. ‘I’m physically fine, but I’m not okay.’”
It was chilling, she said.
“I jumped on a plane and flew to Israel, but Elliot needed permission from his commander to speak to anyone outside the army. Once he was cleared, he left his base and met me in Jerusalem.”
Ms. Ostreicher was put in touch with a specialist in international terror whom she knew from New York, and he connected her with Dr. Brom. “I quickly learned about Dr. Brom’s work with Metiv,” she said. “I was willing to try anything — so was Elliot.” Ms. Ostreicher waited outside Dr. Brom’s office for privacy while he met with Elliot every day for a week. Dr. Brom told her: “Your son is very strong and very smart, but no one experiences combat unscathed.” Following treatment, Elliot returned to his unit.
“Dr. Brom believes that in order to heal, soldiers need to be with their band of brothers in a venue away from Israel,” she said. “In 2010, he contacted me to ask for my help in bringing Metiv’s Peace of Mind program to the United States. They needed a host community.”
When Dr. Brom called her, she wanted to be involved in his efforts. Ms. Ostreicher has been president of the American Friends of Peace of Mind since 2014. “We don’t have an actual office, but I offer my time, along with other volunteers who come from diverse professions,” she said.
“The first group of veterans came to the United States in 2011. They joined a host community in Seaview on Fire Island. It’s a calm, mellow beach town.”
Last year, Elliot, who lived in Manhattan, serendipitously met Elan Sasson, a parent with children at Temple Sinai’s preschool, at a wedding in Washington. “I began chatting with a random guy at my table,” Mr. Sasson said. They realized that they’d both been lone soldiers at the same time, and “we formed an instant bond.”
Elliot told Mr. Sasson that his mother worked with the Metiv program. “His family was involved with outreach,” Mr. Sasson said. “They were looking for strong Jewish communities to serve as host communities for Peace of Mind.”
Mr. Sasson and his wife, Davina Kevelson, are parents of three children, ranging in age from newborn to 6. “Tenafly is a strong Jewish community,” he said. “I was eager to connect Jocelyn, the temple’s executive director, with Elliot and Chaim via Zoom.”
Jocelyn Inglis, Temple Sinai’s executive director, already had some experience with opening her home to Israelis who needed support. “In April 2024, the Federation of Northern New Jersey was looking for a community to host Israeli students who’d been affected by the brutal attacks on Israel on October 7, 2023; specifically those from Moshav Netiv HaAsara,” Ms. Inglis said.
Three Hamas fighters on paragliders had attacked Netiv HaAsara, an Israeli moshav close to the border fence. They killed at least 17 people. Before the massacre, the moshav was home to approximately 900 residents.
“We wanted to host the classmates of those who had been killed for a weeklong program to offer support in a Jewish home environment and opportunities for community and social activities,” Ms. Inglis said “I served as point person for the students who traveled here.”
“My 17-year-old daughter, Abby, was so deeply affected by the experience of hosting and getting to know the girls who stayed with them that this year she joined 13 students from across the country to complete her junior year of high school at Alexander Muss High School in Hod HaSharon, Israel, in an international study-abroad program for high school students.”
When Mr. Sasson mentioned that the Peace of Mind Program in Israel was expanding in New Jersey, Ms. Inglis convened a congregational meeting to discuss it. “Everyone in the community was eager to get behind it,” she said. “We needed something tangible for Temple Sinai to be involved with to support Israel.”
Synagogue members worked quickly to identify 10 host families to house the 20 visitors — 18 of them were reservists who had served three tours in Gaza, Lebanon, and the West Bank, and the others were two therapists. The reservists would have eight hours of therapy each day, and then they’d be offered evening programs that Ms. Inglis and shul members planned. “We secured the host families, arranged for food and activity donations and organized transportation to and from the week’s events,” Ms. Inglis said.
During the group’s extended stay, its long days of therapy ended with pool parties, barbecues, a Broadway show, a walk in Times Square, a trip to Woodbury Commons, and a New York City Football Club game at Yankee Stadium. “The night of the soccer game was the night that the news broke of Israel’s attack on Iran, so the activity was cut short,” Ms. Inglis said.
The Shabbat service scheduled for the evening of Friday, June 13, was supposed to be for the entire community; a potluck for about 80 people was to follow, Ms. Inglis said. “But Israeli security determined that the soldiers could not be in a Jewish setting or synagogue within 48 hours of the Iran attack.” Instead, one of the host families hosted a Kabbalat Shabbat service at their home.
“While our entire community never had the opportunity to meet and greet the soldiers, that Friday was a meaningful evening where our clergy made connections with the soldiers.”
Ms. Inglis said that the Peace of Mind program’s therapists, Neri Sraya and Hodi Ben Yosef, were flexible as the schedule changed; the vets stayed in Tenafly until they finally were able to leave for Fire Island on Sunday, June 22. “I was relieved to learn that the men with whom we’d grown so close were being handed off to Penny Ostreicher, the woman who had started American Friends of Metiv in 2010,” Ms. Inglis said. They were able to return to Israel on June 24.
Her daughter Abby, who was scheduled to return to Tenafly from Israel on June 15, had to stay in Israel for an extra two weeks.
Mr. Sasson was on Sinai’s planning committee and was able to connect with some of the soldiers and therapists throughout their stay in New Jersey. “I wish this program had been available to me after I had served,” he said. “War is not an easy thing, and it’s not every day that physically and emotionally wounded soldiers would agree to come to the United States — leave their families, their jobs, and their lives — to share their feelings.
“Some of the men who participate are unaccustomed to and overcome by the boundless generosity of the host community. It’s all an incredibly healing experience.”
“Once I became involved in overseeing the Peace of Mind program in Tenafly, I was already planning the next visit,” Ms. Inglis said. “The guys got really close to their host families and to me. They called me Ema” — mother — “and promised they’d stay in touch.
“Before he left, one soldier told me he’d be in my life forever. I believe him.”
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