Zara, are you listening? - The Jewish Standard

By the time you’ve had four daughters finish eighth grade at yeshiva day school, you’d think you’d know what they need to wear for graduation picture day.

So when the moms of my fifth daughter’s friends asked for my expertise, I answered confidently: white dresses.

At least I think so.

Hmm. Self-doubt creeps in.

Just in case, I looked at the last two’s yearbooks. Indeed, Daughter #3 wore a white dress. Daughter #4, however wore pink floral. And more to the point, most of the others wore black. I reported back my findings to the moms who, poor dears, were counting on my so-called expertise.

That ended quickly. A few days later, one of these moms posted to the chat, “Where do I get this sweater my daughter is insisting on?” Now, if you have, or have ever had, an eighth-grade daughter, you probably know what I mean. There is only ONE sweater that is de rigueur for this lifechanging photographic event. Mind you, the schools put out no such requirement. And yet all the girls seem to know.

I asked my older girls. Yes, of course, we know about the sweater. Everyone knows about the sweater.

Dutiful and loving mom that I am, I overcame my allergy to retail and rushed to pick up #5 after school and swing by the mall, where we beelined over to Zara and quickly identified the sweater in question. Crew neck, black, acrylic, with four small gold snaps on the deep cuffs of the wrist-length sleeves. It does come in other colors — at the moment pink, white, and blue — but black is for graduation photos. I was actually pretty excited to get off so easily, as they had her size, and the price was reasonable.

Daughter #5 looked, considered, and rejected. No easy answers for my kid, apparently. We spent the next hour trying on dresses at store after store all around the mall, until she settled on one from that pinnacle of tween fashion, Ann Taylor. Go figure. If she’s still a size 0 in 10 years, she can wear it to a job interview.

Meanwhile, Zara stores across the area were selling out. The chat asked if this or that store had any in stock, or could you please buy two if you find it?

The next day, Daughter #5 stuffed her dress in a bag and ran to catch the bus as usual. After school, she was amused to report that she was the one and only girl in her grade who did not wear The Sweater. Someone posted a photo of the girls’ hands altogether, gold buttons dazzling like stardust.

Days later we attended a high school open house. Students stood every 10 feet from the parking lot to the entrance, welcoming prospective applicants. Every. Single. One. Wore The Sweater. Inside teachers, administrators, moms and kids alike flashed their four-button signal of membership in the inside fashion track.

After that, I saw it everywhere. Lovely young women on a date in the city. Hostess at a restaurant. Half the ladies in shul. By unspoken rule, my entire community had picked a uniform. How had I never not noticed?

Compelled to investigate, I checked my favorite repository of cultural data: Facebook. On Teaneck/Bergenfield Jewish Moms subgroup, I found numerous posts asking to borrow one, asking if they were in stock at certain locations, asking if anyone wanted to buy one before someone returned it.

I posted my own research question about how people learned of the sweater and what they thought of it. Fifty-one comments came in quick. Clearly, I was not the only one curious. “YESSSSS finally someone is on the case!!” “I’ve been wondering about this for ages now. Please let me know what you find.” “This sweater. OMG.” and a few “Please post a link!” Some offered explanations. “It’s like the frum little black dress.” “Great price point and very practical.” “Comfy. When my daughter told me she needed one, I laughed hysterically…but when she made me realize she NEEDED one…well, now we have 3.” A few, whom I will always cherish, were as clueless as me and willing to own it.

By direct message, one woman asked if the sweater came in larger sizes, saying: “I’m an eating-disorder therapist and have been told by SO MANY people how this sweater has vanity sizing and because so many people use it, there’s also this ‘will I fit into it and thereby fit in?’ dynamic.” Zara, are you hearing this?

A few years have passed, and the sweater is still part of the local landscape, but never found its way to our home. It would take a lot more than that for my little misfits to blend in.

Laura “Lori” Fein is a litigator at Eckert Seamans LLC. She is the daughter of the greatest mom ever, who she hopes is reading this, and the mom to five daughters who probably never will. Her podcast Mommash: The Oy and Joy of Family is available on all platforms, and she can be reached at mommash.podcast@gmail.com.

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