Touring teens bridge differences
Friendships surmount disabilities on Yad B’Yad Israel trip
Rowen Harari of Englewood described her decision to spend last summer in Israel on Yad B’Yad as “amazing.” The five-week Israel trip run by Yachad — the Orthodox Union’s division for people with disabilities — brings together teens with and without developmental disabilities.
“Everybody who goes on it wants to get to know everyone else and wants to make genuine connections with people,” Rowen, a junior at SAR High School in Riverdale, said. “It was just a really kind, open environment, and I felt like I was really able to be myself. I didn’t feel like there was anyone I couldn’t approach. I made a lot of great friends.
“On Yad B’Yad, everybody’s a participant,” Rowen added. “It never really felt like I was this and then there was the other. It was like everybody was friends.”
That’s exactly the point, Rachel Mendelson, the program’s assistant director, said. Yad B’Yad is not geared to teens with disabilities. It’s geared to teens.
Ms. Mendelson participated in Yad B’Yad when she was a teenager; she was a counselor for two summers, and for six years she has been one of the program’s administrators.
She described the itinerary as fairly standard for a summer teen tour. This year’s activities included banana boating, rappelling, camel riding, and building rafts and using them in the water. “We’re doing all the things that other programs are doing, we’re just doing it in a way that’s accessible to everyone,” Ms. Mendelson said. “We specifically work with vendors who understand our group and are willing to make accommodations if necessary. The place where we go rappelling is understanding that our group is a little bit different, and they are willing to work with us to ensure that anyone who wants to go rappelling can go rappelling, even the person who uses a wheelchair, even a person who maybe can’t go by themselves.”
The program also includes some hiking, but it’s “less intense hiking than you might find on some of the other programs,” Ms. Mendelson continued. “That’s really the only thing that we don’t do like the other programs do.
“And the staff is there for all participants,” she added. “Everyone has different things that they need.”
What does differentiate Yad B’yad from other summer tours is the inclusion aspect. “Yad B’Yad brings together teens with and without developmental disabilities, really giving everyone the opportunity to show their strengths and kind of celebrate the things that they’re great at and appreciate the things that they’re great at,” Ms. Mendelson said. This helps participants “really understand and appreciate that people are different, that every person has a space in the Jewish community, and that it’s our job to give everyone the experience of being in an environment like that.”
The goal is for the teens to come away with “a deeper understanding and appreciation of just other people, of how to include other people, how to make other people feel good and appreciated in the Jewish community, how to see everything that everybody has to offer,” Ms. Mendelson continued. The program is designed to help people “really gain a deep understanding that they can be friends and connect with anyone, that there are always things that people have in common that can help bring out the best in other people, that even though someone might be really different from you, there is always something that we can find in common and that we can build those relationships and friendships on.”
She hopes that participants “come out being a little bit of a better version of themselves because they are learning some different approaches or some different ideas that maybe they’re not accustomed to in their normal day-to-day life, so they come out looking for the best in others and in themselves.”
Rowen feels that she learned a lot from the experience, including how to be more patient. “I think it made it a different kind of fun,” she said. She loved “hanging out with the Yachad participants.”
Estie Greenwald of Fair Lawn, a junior at the Ma’ayanot High School for Girls in Teaneck, also appreciated the opportunity to learn “how to be with people who are different from you.” She found that the experience acclimated her to “constantly thinking about others. How can you help? How can you include more people? How can you be a good person? The growing — you don’t even realize it’s happening.
“My whole mindset has changed,” Estie continued. “I’m inclusive without even realizing I’m trying to be inclusive — like I’ll bring people into the conversation, I’ll make sure everyone knows what’s going on, and everyone’s invited to plans. It was such a nice experience. I think every single person could gain from Yad B’yad. I think I came back a better person.”
Gavi Becker of West Orange, a student at Sinai Maor High School at the Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy in Livingston, enjoyed meeting the other participants. “It has a lot of wonderful people and I made a lot of friends,” he said. “It’s a program that’s good no matter who you are.” It was Gavi’s first time in Israel, and he liked seeing the sites that have “been around for so long.”
Hannah Rosenfeld of Livingston also liked the people and the group dynamics. “Everyone who goes on Yad B’Yad is genuinely the most amazing person and wants to get to know you for who you are,” Hannah, a junior at the Rae Kushner Yeshiva High School, said. “I didn’t know a single person going in, and now I feel like I have so many new friends and so many best friends. The people who go on this program are just very nice people.
“Everyone wants you to feel comfortable,” Hannah added. “There’s no judgment. It’s like going on an Israel program with 150 best friends.”
For Akiva Cohn of Bergenfield, a junior at MTA — the Yeshiva University High School for Boys in Washington Heights — the group and the environment made for an “unreal summer.” He appreciated spending time with others who were “growth oriented” and felt that the “inclusive environment fostered becoming a better person.”
Since he came back, Akiva’s noticed a small difference in the way he reacts to people. “It’s like a conscious decision to try to treat people better,” he said. And he’s getting involved in other Yachad programs. He recently went to one of its weekly bowling events and had a great time.
Yachad offers a range of programming during the school year, Ms. Mendelson said, and many Yad B’Yad participants choose to get involved.
Akiva also enjoyed the Torah learning on the program. “The chaburahs”— learning groups — “were on a level that was accessible to all participants, and they were incredible,” he said.
Shoshana Besser of Passaic participated in Yad B’Yad when she was a teen, and she was a counselor in the program last summer. She described the atmosphere as “very positive,” with people cheering each other on. “Everyone just wants you to succeed and be confident, just to be your best self,” Ms. Besser said. “I think a lot of teens struggle with self-image and self-confidence, whether or not they have special needs. Everybody wants to be accepted, and everybody wants to have friends.”
The program’s environment fosters an openness to, and an acceptance of, people who may not be exactly like you, Ms. Besser added. She saw real friendships form between mainstream teens and teens with disabilities.
Another goal of the program is for participants to gain a deeper understanding and appreciation of Israel. “We’re really seeing the whole land of Israel,” Ms. Mendelson said. “Obviously, this year was a little bit different because we couldn’t go as far north as we typically do, but we went as far up north as was safe for us to go to, and all the way down south. Spending five full weeks in Israel, and really going to as many places as we can go, gives people the opportunity to see the country in a different way.
“I think seeing Israel with friends and counselors is different than when your family goes,” she continued. “And we have tour guides and staff, and that maybe when we go somewhere, they are explaining the historical significance of that place or describing the story from Torah. I think that also brings a really unique perspective to the places that we’re going.”
The itinerary is “a really nice mix of activities that are just fun” and others that are more meaningful, Ms. Mendelson added, and that “really allows for everybody to connect to the land of Israel in a different way.”
Last summer, the situation on the ground necessitated some changes to the itinerary. “We work with an amazing tour company that always has backup plans,” Ms. Mendelson said. “This was my ninth summer on the program. I think something that set this year’s group apart was that their connection to the people of Israel and the land of Israel was just like a step above anything I’ve ever seen. I think because of everything that happened since October 7, and the different experiences that we had” — the group heard from survivors of the attack on the Nova Festival and visited Hostage Square and Har Hertzl, where they met Jen Airley, whose son Binyamin was killed in November 2023 while he was serving in Gaza — “there was just an appreciation of being in Israel, even if things were a little bit nerve-wracking at times.”
That certainly resonated with Hannah. “You kind of have a deeper appreciation of being in Israel because you see how resilient the country is” she said.
“It was a special time to be in Israel,” Estie said. “You felt the unity.”
Rowen found parts of the trip “really meaningful and heartbreaking” but that “there were also hopeful moments. We went to a lot of places that were celebrating Israel and the fact that we have it, and we spoke a lot about how special that is.”
Akiva has a lot of family in Israel and has always felt connected to it, “but after you travel the whole country, it helps you get to know it better,” he said. “You feel like a real love for the land.”
Some of the places the group visited were “not easy, but were definitely important,” he added.
Ms. Mendelson sees Yad B’Yad as “really a life-changing experience. “It definitely changed my own perspective on things when I was a kid,” she said. “I think it allows people to be appreciated for who they are, and that gives people I think a lot of comfort and confidence.”
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