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The Jewish Slandered

SLI targets shuls with new pilotless project

In a revolutionary new pilotless pilot project, the Synagogue Likabililty Initiative of the Jewish Federation of the Northernmost Decile of New Jersey will be deploying anti-drone drones in select area synagogues.

During services, simchas, and board meetings, the anti-drone drones will circle overhead unobtrusively – until they detect the telltale signs of a rabbi, shul president, or father-of-the-bride droning on and on.

In that case, the anti-drone drone will swoop down and dispatch the droner.

“According to the PEW Survey of Jewish Population and Communal Angst, young Jews are leaving our institutions in droves, and a clear motivation is the boring, repetitive dronings of too many of our speakers,” said a federation spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity for fear the Jewish Slandered would misspell his name.

“Our anti-drone drones are the optimal high-tech solution to the dreary droners that are driving droves away,” he said. “We are running a pre-pilot unpiloted pilot project here at the Federation, and we couldn’t be prouder.

“At SLI, we want to emphasize the value-added we provide by professionally working with area thought leaders to leverage existing virtual technology, cutting-edge metrics, out-of-the-box thinking, and collaboratively coordinate strategic leadership skills to quickly conceptualize proactive Jewish identity peoplehood continuity synergies.

“And,” continued the spokesman, before being interrupted by a very loud “Zap!” – at which point the conversation ended.

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