The ask: Judah’s guide to persuasive arguments

Parshat Vayigash drops us in the climactic moment of the Joseph saga. Meaning, it is a terrible place to start. Thankfully, the story of Joseph is so famous in and outside of Judaism, most will remember the broad strokes of the preceding narrative.

To refresh: A precocious, talented, attractive, naive, annoying, tattletale little brother with a divine gift and the famous “I’m Dad’s favorite!” coat of many colors…is left for dead / sold to slavery by his older brothers. This starts Joseph on a journey that transforms him. He hits rock bottom twice, each time recovering to a more and more successful position until he is second only to Pharaoh. Then his brothers arrive, not recognizing him, requesting trade and aid. What follows is a series of tricks and tests, putting the older brothers in the position of potentially abandoning their youngest sibling, Joseph’s only full brother, and — to Jacob — the only remaining biological child of his favored wife, Rachel.

To get what they want and need, all the brothers have to do is abandon Benjamin in Egypt. But instead of making that trade, Judah gives one of the most famous persuasive arguments in history. Sir Walter Scott referred to Genesis 44:18-34 as “the most complete pattern of genuine natural eloquence.” In his passionate plea, Judah shows us, in the most genuine way, the art of “the ask.” When he finishes, his words were so powerful that Joseph — who has been meticulous and detached — “could no longer restrain himself before all who were standing in attendance on him.”

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What made Judah’s ask so powerful?

First, Judah was genuine. The sages ask about the word vayigash (And he [Judah] approached): Who did Judah approach? Himself — for only when Judah became himself at his best was he able to speak as he did (Plaut Torah Commentary, Gleanings, Joseph Reveals His Identity). We all have felt the difference between a sleazy salesman pitch and a genuine ask. Even with, from Judah’s perspective, no pre-existing relationship to leverage, he is so in tune with himself that his words felt genuine.

Second, Judah was vulnerable. Judah did not come across as genuine by faking it with a personable approach. In fact, he speaks quite formally, befitting a request to a powerful ruler, especially with a request against the ruler’s stated wishes. Instead he invites his listener in by opening up himself. He creates vulnerability by telling his story, honestly and with open emotion. He speaks of his family and his experiences, and he demonstrates self-reflection. Vulnerability, by definition, creates authenticity, removes any sense of threat, and positions others to be more likely to hear our words.

Third, Judah recognizes that actions speak louder than words. We all know this to be true. And yet, so much of the time we use only our words to get what we want. Judah could have done that, but instead he offers himself. In fact, he begs: “Now, please, let [me] your servant [Judah] remain as my lord [Joseph’s] slave in place of the lad [Benjamin], and let the lad go home with his brothers, for how can I go home to my father without the lad and thus see the harm my father will suffer?”

This is what finally breaks Joseph’s ongoing masquerade. And how could it not? Judah had already shown remorse for what happened to Joseph. Telling his vulnerable story, he prioritized Benjamin’s and Jacob’s well-being over his own. Judah’s own offer seals the deal. Rather than cause harm to his family, he would subject himself to the slavery he once forced upon Joseph. Even if the listener had not been Joseph himself, the length to which Judah was willing to go with his actions prove his intentions in a way that more words never could.

There is so much to Judah’s words, his empathy, his emotions. It all comes together in this beautiful ask. It has the feeling of being prepared, if not rehearsed, but still has the passionate eloquence that can come only from being truly in the moment. And there is more attention the sages pay to Judah in this moment. For example, they teach that Judah was open to any outcome. The word vayigash, approached, is used to introduce different kinds of actions in the Hebrew Bible. To do battle (2 Samuel), to conciliate (Joshua), and to pray (1 Kings). Judah did not know what the outcome would be. And Judah, like all our heroes and ancestors in the Torah, is deeply flawed — very much a human being, very much like each of us. And like us, his mistakes (with Joseph and Tamar) elevate his actions even further in this moment. Joseph is not the only one who has grown and changed for the better.

Hopefully, we will rarely if ever be in the position of making such an extreme ask for such high stakes. But even in small asks — to strangers, to brothers, or to strangers who turn out to be brothers after all — we can emulate Judah’s approach as a path to success. Let us follow his example: be genuine, be vulnerable, and put actions to our words.