Passover delights
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Passover delights

My boys had me watch some YouTube videos that parodied the entire holiday of Passover.

At face value, they are funny because they are based on things that actually happen. They become even funnier when you watch them right after your seders are over. And when they make fun of something that I do, I can point out to my kids that I must not be the only one who does whatever it is they are making fun of, because if someone on YouTube is making fun of that thing, whatever it may be, it means that lots and lots of people do the same thing that I do. My kids think that I corner the market on nutty behavior. My kids think that I am the only one who asks questions about “who is going out with who?” Or “Did you know that so and so did something or other?” They think that I am the only one that stalks people on Facebook, I am the only one who watches peoples’ instastories, that I am the only one who does anything questionable. They give me a lot of power. Apparently they need to get out more. But they are adorable, and I love them.

So we are watching these YouTube videos and they are really, really funny. Matzah, for example. “It’s too crunchy.” “It’s too soggy.” “This piece isn’t big enough.” “This piece is too big.” “You paid how much a pound?” “They charge what a pound?” “When was the last time you went to the bathroom???” Drinking wine at the seder. It starts with how may ounces must the wine cup hold. How do we know if it is four and a half ounces? What happens if the only cups available are 12 ounces? Or four and a quarter ounces? And then, if the only cup available is a water glass, which is probably 16 ounces, you have the question of what is “rove cos”?  Rove cos meaning the greater amount of the cup. Is it a little more than half a cup? Is it 3/4 of a cup? Is it all but a sip left in a cup? Well, if it is your kid drinking it and they are drinking wine and not grape juice, you want them to drink as little as possible. Especially if you are watching them turn slightly green from drinking too much. Because they are drinking from a water glass. Because they insist on drinking the whole cup. Because, after all, your kids think they know more that you do.

And then the innocence of the Ma Nishtana, the four questions. Every parent puffs up with pride when their child is the one to read the questions. Sometimes, you have a kid who does a great job. He sings loud. He sings proud. He knows the words. He knows the tune. He does a great job. And then you have the kid who has less than no desire to sing in front of family members who he barely knows. He hides behind the Hagaddah. He timidly starts to sing, but then his father is the one who sings the rest of it and the kid usually ends up crying. Good times all around. I am still in denial that I no longer have kids who are eligible for ma nishtana singing. When did that happen? Now I have the kids who have dvar Torahs — and not even ones that are written for them. They are the ones who come up with them and share them voluntarily! When did that happen? I try to follow what they are saying. I really do. Sometimes I can ask an intelligent question based on their words, but sometimes I look at them and wonder who their real parents are.

Son #1 is a big fan of Passover, not only because of the dvar Torahs, but because he gets to eat his two favorite foods, flanken and sponge cake. I am not really sure what part of the cow flanken is from, but it is very popular among men in their 80’s. Apparently, son #1 is an 85-year-old man disguised as a 22-year-old. He could eat flanken and sponge cake all the time if he could. For some reason, though, we save it for Passover. Not sure why it works out that way but it does.

And there is nothing like coffee cake from the mix. Who cares that it is four times more expensive than a Duncan Hines cake? Who cares if it takes two boxes to make one 9×13 cake? It requires only eggs and water, and there is nothing easier than that.

But Passover, like all Jewish holidays, is about traditions and making memories and not losing your temper. Hope you were able to do all three, and if not, hope you were able to do the first two. Because there is nothing wrong with losing your temper and my kids think I am the only one who loses it…

Happy healthy Passover to all!

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is a big fan of matzah and cream cheese. And spending quality time with her three boys.

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