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News from the Jewish Substandard

Rabbis R Us

A new virtual rabbinical school has opened its e-gates. The Virtual Rabbinical Seminary began operations on Sunday, offering ordinations via Twitter. “It’s really very simple, really,” said Rabbi Steven Kantor. “We ask our students to explain the core meaning of the Shulchan Aruch, the Code of Jewish Law, and its Ashkenazic gloss – it’s a Sephardic book, you know, according to Wikipedia – we ask them to explain it all in a single 140-character Tweet. Anyone who can do that gets ordained.”

Cost for enrolling in the VRS is $10,000 per Tweet, for up to five Tweets. “We don’t keep the money,” Kantor said. “It goes to charity – Chinuch Atzmi.”

Billy Sechel, the dean of the VRS, said response since Sunday “is off the charts. It’s amazing how much really good, solid Jewish learning you can draw out of 140 characters. We’ve already ordained three Jews, four Episcopal ministers, and a Baptist. We’re looking for synagogues to hire them even as we speak.”

Potential students can Tweet the registrar at #amayutz for more information.

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