I have no idea what day it is. And yet I am trying to be totally present and enjoy every single second of every single moment I am having with my beautiful family. I am fully aware that not everyone has this. I also am fully aware that some people have this all of the time. “Everyone has something and no one has everything.” That’s my new mantra. Have I shared that with you before? I can’t remember, because as I already said, I have no idea what day it is.
Because of the holidays, my deadlines have been changed, so what I usually think is Monday is now Friday or Sunday. For all I know it could be Thursday, but it is all good. Whatever day it is.
For an added bonus, my dad went back into the hospital a week ago. But I have Gd #1, who is keeping me calm and filling me with love and hope. My friend said that there should be a program where babies are brought to employees at high-stress jobs to help them calm down, because that is what babies do. I told her that it was a great idea, but I wasn’t sure what the legal ramifications might be, so perhaps the companies should stick to puppies. Just a thought.
Anyway, with covid regulations, and the fact that I almost got arrested breaking security protocol at the hospital (my dad would have been so proud of me. Husband #1, not so much. But that story is for another time.) I haven’t seen him as much, but I know that he is safe and loved and cared for, because now we have, well, we will call him Aide #1.
Aide #1 came to us in February, and in my contacts he is listed as Aide #1 the Saint. He is an angel from heaven. I am not exaggerating. Even Husband #1 will attest to this, and he is the first one to throw me under the bus. Aide #1 loves my dad. He takes such good care of him, and when my dad was taken to the hospital, he went with him in the ambulance, because he was just as worried about him as my mom and I were. It is a true gift to get someone like that to help care for your loved one. It is a blessing. Especially when you have experienced other aides who are wearing air pods and don’t even pretend to care about what you are saying to them. Yup, this has all been quite the experience.
The other night I slept at the hospital to give Aide #1 a break, and my dad wouldn’t go to sleep. I don’t know if was all of the beeping in the CCU or the nurses talking about their schedules or the fact that someone was coming in at least every hour to take his blood, but he was just staring at the ceiling with his eyes wide open. Every few minutes he would turn to me and say, “Banj, what are you doing here?” and I would say, “I am keeping you company.” And then he would ask me what time is was. Since he wasn’t going to sleep, every five or 10 minutes I would tell him the time. After doing this for about an hour, he would just start to laugh when I would tell him the time. And then I would add, “Do you know where your children are?” For those of you who watch Channel 5, you know what I am talking about.
And then I go home and I get to see my little strudel and she heals my heart and tries to keep it from breaking into hundreds of tiny little pieces. Of course, she doesn’t know that she is doing this, nor will she ever know, but I know. And it makes me even more grateful. Because whatever life throws at you, if you don’t find the joy, even if it is just a sliver of joy, you are doomed to get sucked into a vortex of sadness.
How is that for dramatic?
So in conclusion, I hope you all had a beautiful holiday, that your upcoming weekend is also beautiful, and that you always have someone in your life who makes you feel better.
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck has learned that you really can’t lend things out to people. Rest in Peace, dear Pack-N-Play and Baby Bjorn. She hopes that wherever you are, you are loved.