Chase happiness, but the good type

You know how your phone listens to everything you say? Just mention yachts when your phone is nearby, and soon enough yacht ads will pop up.

Last week, as Adar began, I must have said something about what our sages teach: “When Adar enters, we should increase our happiness.”

That’s likely why my Google News feed started showing me stuff about happiness. But not all of it was upbeat. One title jumped out: “How Chasing Happiness Can Make You Miserable.”

Chasing happiness makes us miserable? It sounded like clickbait. But there’s only one way to find out. So I clicked.

The article from the website “Study Finds” stuck to its claim. It said researchers from the University of Toronto Scarborough and the University of Sydney found that pushing yourself to feel good can backfire.

They argue it drains your mental energy, leaving you with less for other things, like decisions or responsibilities.

That didn’t sit right with me, especially in Adar. Isn’t adding joy a mitzvah? Not just this month, but every day? How could a mitzvah end up hurting us?

I went online to dig deeper. One site had an interesting concept: happiness is not the same as joy. Happiness is a short, fleeting emotion, while joy lasts much longer. So maybe this is part of the problem with that study: instead of seeking a state of joy, people were looking for that temporary sense of elation. That can be tiring and never-ending.

Then I found a talk by the Rebbe about the importance of joy in the month of Adar, with the following profound quote:

“The deepest source of genuine, lasting joy is that each of us, in any circumstance, possesses an eternal and unbroken soul. No matter how far someone falls, the soul remains intact and will ultimately lift them back.” (20 Kislev 5737)

Suddenly, it all became clear to me.

There are two ways of pursuing happiness. One way is based on the notion that happiness is outside of me. We need outside “things” — therapists, enjoyable activities, hobbies, you name it — to help us achieve it.

Trying to force happiness by becoming something we’re not is exhausting.

But the Rebbe is teaching us that true joy is not something outside of us. We do not need to become something we are not. It’s the opposite: happiness is about being more ourselves. It’s rediscovering our true identity and connecting to our deep essence.

That doesn’t tire us out; it boosts us and makes us happier, stronger, and ready to meet challenges.

The month of Adar tells us to increase our happiness, so now is the time to learn some more Torah, say another prayer, do another mitzvah, and look in the mirror and remind ourselves about our holy and powerful soul deep within us.

Nothing can pull us down when we’re connected to the highest of high.

Mendy Kaminker is the rabbi of Chabad of Hackensack and an editorial member of Chabad.org. He welcomes your comments at rabbi@ChabadHackensack.com