Recliner fail
About 18 years ago, we did construction on our house. When it was finished, my parents took us to a store that will remain nameless to buy us a couch and a recliner. Because it was 2007, brown was the “in” color. Now, apparently, it is all shades of gray, but I digress. We picked out a recliner that accented the couch; Husband #1 thought it was comfortable, and that was that. Both my father and Husband #1’s father enjoyed reclining in the recliner over the years. For some reason, the boys always preferred the couch. Surprisingly, the couch still looks new, but the recliner has not fared as well.
Aside from the fabric being frayed, if you don’t sit on it in a certain way, it propels you forward onto the floor. We warn guests we like so they don’t attempt to sit on it. Husband #1 and I know how to sit on it, so it still remains in our house.
A few years ago, Husband #1 and I went shopping for a new recliner. In my mind, I was getting another custom fabric recliner to accent the couch, which did not need replacing. That expedition did not end well. In fact, it was downright frustrating.
Because I had these visions in my head of what I wanted, nothing was right. Too big, too small, too expensive, too exhausting, I became hangry, and that was the end of that. (Hangry is hungry and angry — it’s not a good look. Son #3 always knew to bring a snack for me when I would take him shopping. His father is not as clever, unfortunately.) No new recliner for us.
A few years have gone by, and I decided that we should try again. How hard could it be to find a reasonably priced recliner to replace our old one?
Store #1: “Hi! I am looking for a narrow recliner,” I ask optimistically. “A recliner? Or do you want a lift chair?” the young man asks earnestly.
A lift chair? You mean the kind that lifts you up because you are physically incapable of doing it yourself? How old do you think I am???? And then I punched him in the face.
Kidding. Well, about punching him, not about me asking him how old he thought I was.
Store #2: “Hi! I am looking for a recliner please!” I ask, equally optimistically as I did in store #1. “We don’t sell recliners.” And then he directed me to another store at the end of the parking lot.
Store #3: “ Do you sell recliners?” No “hi” this time. “Of course we do!” The lady responds. And then proceeds to show me a lovely chair that cost $2,000. Nope. Next.
Over the course of the next three stores, I learned that manual recliners are becoming a thing of the past. A manual recliner is the type of chair that you have to push down on to get the leg rest to come out. No handle, no buttons, just old fashioned manpower.
“People don’t like to exert that much energy anymore,” a salesperson explained to me.
Kids, this is what the smartphone has done to our society. If you don’t get results instantly, it is a bad thing. And then it needs to become obsolete. Now I wouldn’t call myself the laziest person in the world, but if we have come to a time where using a manual recliner requires too much exertion, we are in big trouble as a society.
I don’t care if you are a Democrat, a Republican, woke or not woke — if you can’t manage to recline in a chair using your own body weight to do so (you are excused if, unfortunately, you are physically restricted of course — I am not a monster) we have failed as a society.
And then there was the nice Israeli man at the Raymour and Flanigan Outlet. I found a chair, he sold me the chair, and the next chapter begins. And I purchased the five-year stain protection just in case someone spills something — yes, I know they are a scam, but it made me feel better.
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck was so happy to celebrate with her surrogate granddaughter and her family at her bat mitzvah last week. Wishing them, and all of you, only simchas!