No cheesecake, no toilet
Last week I wrote about marrying Husband#1 despite his inability to fix anything around the house. Most of the comments were positive ones, but I still got the “I really like your column, but I really don’t like that you call him Husband #1”
Now before I delve into this week’s exciting column, I thought that I would, once again, explain the Husband#1 shtick. The year was 2009, and I just began my blog, “Holy crap I’m going to be 40!” The responsive was surprising and overwhelmingly positive.
I had to begin to talk about my husband as Husband#1. Just like my sons were going to be Son#1, Son#2, and Son#3. My daughters-in- law are now DIL#1, DIL#2, and DIL#3, because they go with the corresponding son.
It just all evened out. I never even thought about calling Husband#1 anything else, and until someone told me that their friend had said, “It is so nice that Husband#1 and Husband#2 get along so well.” My friend was shocked, “Um, there is no Husband#2. That is just what she calls him.”
It was all supposed to be totally harmless, so I am sorry if I continue to offend anyone, I never did and still do not mean any harm.
Back to our regularly scheduled program. Son#1 and DIL#1 invited us to come for the holiday of Shavuot. It was really lovely. My DIL#1 makes amazing challah, and I know that Strudel and her sisters like the chip sticks I bring. They also share my Envy Apples with me when we play café. (That is for a different column.)
Strudel’s third sister was very happy that I brought a big container filled with corn, and everyone liked my new mac and cheese recipe and carrot muffins. Baruch Hashem. I like waking up every morning knowing that I was going to be seeing my girls three whole days in a row.
The first two nights we slept at an apartment around the corner. This apartment was made as a “chesed apartment.” The owners don’t always know who will be staying there, as it is a word-of-mouth situation. We got there a little before yom tov to get the key and get settled.
It is a really nicely appointed guest apartment. It comes with its own bathroom and the hosts have filled the closet up with everything you could imagine-from a huge basket of snacks that Strudel and her sister totally “destroyed” — I mean the basket was empty when we left. They also supplied toothbrushes and toothpaste, rain hats and ponchos, and all sorts of other thoughtful items. It is so nice of them to do this.
In any event, Shabbos morning, I heard lots of noises coming from the bathroom. It sounded like things were being moved around. I was dreading finding out what was going on in there.
“The toilet won’t flush,” Husband#1 says to me at 7:15 in the morning. “It just won’t flush.”
“Umm, did you go to the bathroom already?” I hesitantly ask.
“Umm, yes.” What a great way to start a Shabbos morning, especially one with Yizkor involved.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and knock on the door?” I asked Husband 1.
He said he did and no one answered and that he is sorry, but now he had to go to shul.
How many times did Avraham do this to his beloved Sarah? “Sorry, dear, I know the plumbing is having issues, but I am trying to father a nation right now and I just don’t have the time to fix it.”
How nice is it that I am comparing Avraham to Husband#1?
Bottom line is I took off the top of the toilet and saw that the chain had separated and the only way to flush the toilet, was to stick your hand in and lift up the flusher manually.
I am the best wife ever. No, really, I am.
Before Shabbos was over, I made Husband#1 come with me to tell the owners about the toilet. The owner informed us that he has had this problem before and apologized.
I asked Husband#1 why he didn’t even pretend to know what I was talking about to the owner. He just stood there pretending he was invisible. Oh well, he is good at other things. Like coming all the way out to Far Rockaway to pick me up when Son#1 was sick.
For the record, he did suggest I write this column.
Hope you enjoyed and had a great holiday weekend!
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck did not have any cheesecake, but the adorable company made up for it.