A small town had a synagogue and two churches, Presbyterian and Methodist.
All three had a serious problem with squirrels in their buildings.
So, each group had a meeting to deal with the problem.
The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church, and that they would just have to live with them.
The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly. They trapped them humanely and released them in a park at the edge of town. (Within three days, all the squirrels had returned to the church.)
The Jews simply voted the squirrels in as members and gave them all a bar mitzvah. Now they see them only at rosh hashanah and yom kippur.
It’s the 1940s, and in Germany two Nazi officers are talking.
Fritz says to Otto, “Didn’t I see you visiting a rabbi’s home yesterday?”
“Yes,” replies Otto. “He’s giving me lessons in Yiddish.”
“So that whenever I hear Jews talking and they say something disrespectful about Der Fuehrer, I can arrest them!”
Fritz is impressed. “That’s very clever,” he says to Otto.
Otto answers, tapping his head, “Yes, I really know how to use my tuchas.”