The Big Lipowsky opened a fortune cookie last week and to say he was disappointed would be an understatement.
“You will receive a fortune. (cookie)”
Seriously. That’s what it said. This is not the first lame fortune I have received either. Rather, it is a new low for seemingly lazy fortune-writers. Gone are the days of real fortunes that attempted to predict the future. Remember this golden oldie? “You will leave your wife for another woman.” (OK, that was from “The Simpsons” and not a real fortune cookie, but it’s still a prediction.) Instead of vague predictions for the future, we now find moral guidance, life lessons, and parables in our cookies. And that’s just not as much fun. Fortune cookies are like reading horoscopes. You don’t really believe them but you like the idea that you can find advice for your future laid out in a tasty cookie. And who knows? Maybe there is some sort of fate that directed you to choose that cookie rather than the one next to it.
Despite the increasingly dull cookies, The Big Lipowsky has actually found a few amusing gems.
“Only listen to fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units.”
“Warning: Do not eat your fortune.”
“You are not illiterate” (one of my favorites)
“You may be hungry soon; order a takeout now.” (This one kind of makes a prediction, even though it’s one of those “the sun will rise tomorrow”-type predictions)
And for the Jewish audience (I seriously found this in a cookie):
“The whole world is a narrow bridge; the important thing is not to be afraid.”