Last in line

Last in line

Remember almost a year ago, when they told us that it would be at least a year before they came up with a vaccine and we all said, “A year?? There is no way this thing will last a year!”

Famous last words.

And did we all say that? Or think it? For sure, many of us thought that Israel would be the country to save the day and come up with a vaccine first… In any event, whatever we are thinking or saying, only God knows, so it doesn’t really matter. It is what it will be. Words to live by.

The news keeps talking about when the vaccine will come out. Who will get it, when they will get it. How many shots do we need? What are the long term effects? Doctors saying that of all the vaccines, this is the one that has had the most testing on the most people. We are at the mercy of the drug companies, and we must trust our doctors to guide us in the right direction.

But enough about that. This is about being the last in line.

Allow me to explain.

During one of the more recent Shabbos meals that Husband #1 and I have spent alone (insert sobbing noise here), we got into a discussion about how old we are (since some of you might still not have recovered from all the talk about my “big” birthday, I won’t mention the number again, but, in case you forgot, it rhymes with the word nifty). All of a sudden, Husband #1 looks at me and says, “We are going to be the last in line for the vaccine.” Oh. My. God. He is correct! Two middle-aged folks, with no kids at home, who are still independent and relatively healthy (thank God) are last in line to get the vaccine. So, of course, this had to become a column.

Husband #1 and I are irrelevant in the eyes of this pandemic. We don’t need the vaccine as much as the millions of people who are going to get it ahead of us. So I decided to delve into discussion about some of those groups who are getting the vaccine way before we do. (This column is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not take anything personally or as fact. The columnist has no children living at home and she needs something to take her mind off of that fact. You may continue reading now, at your own risk.)

There are people who give millions and millions of dollars to support others who learn Torah all day. Apparently, it is a huge mitzvah to support the learning of said Torah. So who gets the vaccine first? The men who are giving the money or the men who are learning the Torah to save their souls? Either way, both groups are ahead of me.

The healthcare workers — doctors, nurses, EMT, EMS, firefighters, policemen, the brave men and women who have been coming to work in supermarkets and Costcos — anyone who has done anything to help other humans during this awful time — hey all come ahead of me. Totally get it.

The whole “senior set,” residents of nursing homes, grandparents and great grandparents who haven’t had a hug or left the house in months and months (or have left the house in full PPE because they have no one to help them) — totally deserve it more than I do.

But what about the annoying little kids who have bothered you on long flights to Israel? Or in restaurants? Or in general? They can all be unwitting spreaders, so I am pretty sure they all come ahead of me as well. Should I take that personally?

Are the skinny women who have used this pandemic to get even skinnier, do they come ahead of me because they have better will power? Or the ones who have been working out on Zoom? Or the ones working out outside no matter what the weather? Do they come ahead of me? Those are up for discussion. Pet owners? I take care of Moby the fish. Does that put me in the same category as someone who owns a farm filled with animals? Probably not.

The bottom line is this. Be patient. Wait your turn. Everyone will get it eventually. And if they run out before they get to the 50 year olds who live alone…feel free to wave to us from the front lawn. And if you are feeling really generous, we always accept cookies and Hershey bars with almonds…

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is so excited because some of her monkeys are coming for Chanukah!!!!!!!

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