I am not a car
The Frazzled Housewife

I am not a car

Hope everyone survived Mother’s Day. I am happy to report that Sons #2 and 3 and Husband #1 all did very well. And now mothers everywhere must wait another year to be shown appreciation. And that is that. (Son #1 and DIL #1 flew the coop in order to quarantine so they could go to her parents for a few weeks — fair is fair.)

I have written more than 300 columns. It’s hard to believe that I have come up with enough content to accomplish that. I must admit that this morning, my tank was empty. I had no idea what I was going to write about. But then I went on my errands for the day, and here is what I came up with. I hope it amuses you as much as it amused Husband #1 when I told him the story. If not, I apologize. Suggestions for content are always welcome. And, as always, I hope this column finds you and your family healthy and sane.

ATM cards. Everyone has them — right? Wrong. I have never had an ATM card, or a bank card of any kind. I am not really sure why. When I was in college, I would write checks to my friend Stephen and he would cash them for me. The only time I ever used my credit card to get cash was when I saw that Rick Springfield was at the Beacon Theatre in New York, and for some reason, I needed to get cash. Long story short, did you know you have to pay for the service of getting cash from your credit card? (Yes, you probably knew that, but I didn’t, and Husband #1 was not happy with me, but I got to see Rick and I was happy so blah blah blah.) Anyway, let us fast forward to this week. To today, actually, which I think is Monday, but if you are reading this it could be Friday or Shabbos or who knows. But let’s get back to the story.

Banji had to go to the bank to deposit some checks. I walk to the bank that is near Amazing Savings (please open, I miss you so very much. I walk by your window and drool at all of the items that I don’t really need but would love to buy). I see the sign in the window of the bank that says I can only use the ATM machine or the drive-through window. I do not have a car. I do not have an ATM card. I am just a woman with two checks that need to be deposited. So I wait on line behind a car. I ask the person in the car if she thinks I can deposit a check without a car and she says, “I don’t see why not.”

So there I am, waiting on line behind a car, and then another car pulls up behind me. I am praying to God that no one thinks that even with all of the weight I have put on, I am an actual car. I call Husband #1 and he can’t stop laughing with the visual of me standing on line between two cars. Very funny.

I started having flashbacks to when I was younger and I would walk through a gas station, praying that those chimes wouldn’t ring, indicating that a car was waiting to get gas (implying that I weighed as much as a car, for those of you not following).

All of a sudden, a very handsome man appears and says to me, “Ma’am, you are a liability waiting on this line…” I explained to him that I didn’t have a car or an ATM card, just the two checks that I needed to deposit. “You don’t have a debit card?” he asked. “Nope, my husband is very controlling….” He then looked at me and said, “Okay, I will take those checks for you and bring you a receipt.” “Ummm, do you work for the bank?” I asked. “Yes, of course I do,” he said, and proceeded to show me the bank logo that was on his sweater.

So there you go. The handsome man deposited my checks and didn’t think that I was an actual car. Guess I still have a few more pounds to go before that happens. And it got me a story to share with all of you. Which I hope you enjoyed.