Getting old — cruise edition

Getting old — cruise edition

And here we are, with another column dedicated to “you know you are getting old when…” We will call this one the cruise edition.

I love cruises. Husband #1 and I have gone on, thank God, several cruises. The first one was many, many years ago. The last one was probably five or six years ago. Due to family situations and my general insanity, husband #1 decided it was time for us to go on another cruise. He knew that I wouldn’t agree to it because I didn’t want to leave my family, so he kind’ve snuck it up on me and got me to agree to it with not much time before we were to leave. (Though I didn’t think we would actually go until the ship was in the middle of the ocean. And I have got to say that there is a lot to be said for not having any communication with the outside world.)

In any event, getting older becomes evident on a cruise ship. All the chairs seem to hurt our backs. There was one chair that I couldn’t sit on at all because it was too high, so we had to leave the show. We are shifting around, and when we finally get up, we creak and groan and we straighten ourselves out — and then it takes a couple of steps before we feel like ourselves again. Oy vey.

In past cruises, I would only take the stairs. Up and down. Up and down. Like it was absolutely nothing. I still took the stairs this time, but I had to keep remembering, “up with the good knee, down with the bad” in order to avoid, well, my knee starting up. Slightly out of breath when I reached my destination, but that leveled off so I think I can still hold off on the cardiologist appointment.

And then there are the daily programs they leave in your room every night. I can no longer read them with my glasses on. Husband #1 said I couldn’t see the small print because the room was dark — which is another sign you are getting old — the room wasn’t really so dark. I just need new glasses. Argggg. In cruises past, we would stay up late. (OK, not that late, but well past midnight.) This time, it has been a challenge. We would stay up to watch the movie they were showing at 11:30….but we would only make it for half an hour of said movie. This was for two reasons — we were both tired, and what kind’ve silly movie is this? We are two old cranky people — who has patience for these superhero movies? (Unless Gal Gadot was playing Wonder Woman. I have patience for her because she is so amazingly awesome.) We waddled back to the room and fought for who got to use the bathroom first — because, you guessed it, that is another sign of getting older.

And then there are all of the little annoying kids. Oh gosh, I am turning into my father. When did I ever think kids are annoying? Stop kicking my chair!!!! I no longer turn around and say, “My, aren’t you adorable!” I turn around and shoot daggers at the little buggers. There were noisy kids in the room next door. Poor kids got an earful from the cantankerous old lady in the room next door. (That was me.) But who was I kind to? All of the elderly people in the scooters and using their rollators and walkers. And I kept thinking about what their stories are and if they have kids who visit them and take care of them.

Husband #1 took me on the cruise to get away from that for a little while. But I am still me. Just a larger, crabbier version.

And speaking of larger, while we were docked in Florida, Weight Watchers sent me an email asking if I was “finally ready to come back.” How did they know? Genius marketing idea. So I joined, from the ship, for three months. Why I am sharing this with you when very few are interested? Well, you know you are getting old when you are trying to figure out the last time you joined Weight Watchers and you look at your husband and say, “It was 20 years ago. 20 years ago???” Yup, life marches on. Hope you all march on in good health with it.

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck did not post any pictures from her cruise on social media. This is because she didn’t believe she went on it, until is was actually over and everyone back home was, thank God, just as she left them.

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