Community mourns tragic deaths
Still reeling from the shocking deaths of their rabbi and his wife in a house fire last Friday night, the congregants of Young Israel of Scarsdale, N.Y., have been gathering photos and videos of the couple from their own family albums to share with the four Rubenstein children.
As Shira Rubenstein, the eldest, noted on Sunday in eulogizing her parents, Rabbi Jacob Rubenstein, spiritual leader of the synagogue for nearly a quarter century, and his wife, Deborah, "the house is not there to remind us, so we will remind each other of our memories."
But memories were everywhere at the synagogue on Sunday as more than ‘,000 congregants and community members overflowed the facility to pay tribute to the Rubensteins. Several hundred people stood silently in the parking lot during the two-hour service, listening to the eulogies over a public address system.
The suddenness of death, the unknowable mystery of life, hung over a tight-knit community shaken by the peaceful image of the rabbi and his wife going to sleep on Friday night, then succumbing in a violent manner on Shabbat HaGadol (the Great Sabbath, before Passover).
And there were thoughts of the Rubenstein children, in their ‘0s, entering the holiday of Passover this weekend, without parents or a house to go home to for the seders. One son, Daniel, lives in Teaneck.
New Rochelle fire officials, a number of whom attended the funeral, said a lightning strike was the likely cause of the fast-moving fire that swept through the Rubenstein home virtually destroying it in the early hours of Saturday morning.
In the days since the fire, members of the Jewish community gathered outside the remains of the Rubenstein home, which in the late 1960s had served as the congregation’s first site, to recite psalms, and they shared the story of the time that the rabbi helped firefighters save a neighbor’s home in ‘001.
The Jewish community went through "a Shabbat of darkness and a Sunday of pain," Rabbi Jonathan Morgenstern, the congregation’s assistant spiritual leader, said in his eulogy.
"The county is grieving. Not a family, not a synagogue the entire county," said Elliot Forchheimer, executive director of the Westchester Jewish Conference.
In eulogies, written remarks, and interviews this week, Rabbi Rubenstein, 58, and his wife, 59, were remembered as a couple who fostered the growth of the synagogue into the largest Modern Orthodox congregation in New York City’s northern suburbs, and created a network of close friendships.
"Ultimately, our thriving community is the legacy the Rubensteins have left us," a memorial page on the synagogue’s Website stated this week.
"You never heard any words of disrespect, disparagement, or hatred coming from his pulpit," said Joel Goldschmidt, a former co-president of Young Israel. "It didn’t matter if he was talking about Jews, Christians, Reform, Conservative. He always looked for the good in people."
Rubenstein, who studied at several yeshivas in this country and Israel, had served as president of the Rabbinical Council of America. He also chaired the rabbinic advisory committee of UJA-Federation of New York, had served as president and national chairman of the Rabbinic Cabinet of the United Jewish Appeal, and had participated in a pulpit exchange with Rabbi Richard Jacobs of Westchester Reform Temple in Scarsdale.
"He was well-known for being an open-minded person," said Rabbi Menachem Genack of Englewood, rabbinic administrator of the Orthodox Union’s kashrut division, who worked closely with Rubenstein.
"He always wanted to push the envelope. He was never satisfied with the status quo," said Morgenstern, who has served at Young Israel for the last eight years.
"He wanted to be able to teach people in a way that they [previously] weren’t able to be touched."
Rubenstein made a special effort to establish a relationship with children in the congregation, often visiting the classes and youth group meetings, and teaching bar and bat mitzvah students, Morgenstern said. "He didn’t want to just shake your hand" at a simcha "and say mazal tov."
"He could teach Talmud and he could teach the Rolling Stones, although the Allman Brothers was his favorite band," said Forchheimer, who was Young Israel’s youth director two decades ago. "He showed up with his guitar and played, in his black suit. He was on the floor with the kids. He was so accessible. The kids loved it.
"I told him he was the best youth director we ever had, even though I was the youth director," Forchheimer said.
The rabbi, a rock ‘n’ roll fan, actively promoted his synagogue’s first Jewish Rock Festival last year.
Born in a Displaced Persons camp in Germany to Holocaust survivor parents, Rubenstein came to the United States as a child with his family. He lived in Memphis, Chicago, and Israel, and served in pulpits in Providence, R.I., and Milford, Mass., before coming to Scarsdale. He received his ordination from the chief justices of both the Rabbinic Court of the Ashkenazic and the Sephardic community of Jerusalem, and earned a bachelor’s degree at Hebrew University and a master’s at Harvard.
In 1999 he wrote "A Time to Forgive," a guide used in Orthodox synagogues. During the High Holy Days of ‘003 he was one of 15 rabbis invited to meet President George W. Bush at the White House.
Deborah Rubenstein, a native of Montreal who attended McGill University, left her home during her late teens to study in Israel, where she met her future husband. "She was quite independent, very strong-minded," said Sandra "Cookie" Lang, her sister.
She was the rabbi’s "silent partner a very private person," Lang said. "Whenever he did anything of importance, he always ran it by her. She was the primary caregiver to the family because the rabbi’s time was so taken up with the community."
Shira Rubenstein, the couple’s daughter, told about her mother’s behind-the-scenes role, sending meals to the infirm, visiting the isolated, sending notes to the despondent. "My mother possessed a quiet disposition but an inner strength that was comparable to that of an army.
"She was an amazing educator," teaching at two Westchester Hebrew schools over the years. One of the schools, Temple Israel in New Rochelle, held a memorial service for the Rubensteins on Tuesday night.
"They had such a mission a mission of family, a mission of community, a mission of changing the world," Shira Rubenstein said.
She said a few items the couple’s love letters, Deborah Rubenstein’s college notes, some family photos were found intact in the gutted shell of the home. "Treasures, definite treasures," she said.
The rabbi and his wife are survived by two sons, Daniel and Jonathan; two daughters, Yocheved and Shira; two daughters-in-law, Orite and Samantha; four grandchildren; four siblings; and Deborah Rubenstein’s parents, Sarah and Jerry Powell of Montreal.
"Rabbi Rubenstein will be remembered as a giant rabbinic figure who combined intellectual and spiritual depth with a conviction to embrace the entire Jewish community," said John Ruskay, executive vice president of UJA-Federation. "He served as a powerful exemplar of rabbinic leadership in his congregation as well as far beyond."
The news about the couple’s death spread quickly by word-of-mouth in Scarsdale’s Orthodox community on Saturday morning, when Orthodox Jews don’t use the telephone or television.
By the time worshippers arrived for Shacharit services, "everyone knew," said William Schrag, a former Young Israel president. Many members of the wider Jewish community showed up too, he said. "We finished services very quickly," many people remaining in the synagogue to recite psalms or console each other. "People wanted to be there."
"In some way, the rabbi prepared the community for something like this," said Morgenstern, who this week performed pre-holiday duties usually done by Rubenstein.
"He always spoke about the bitter and the sweet," about the painful parts of life that often accompany or color the pleasant parts, Morgenstern said. At a recent eulogy, he said, Rubenstein drew upon the upcoming Passover symbolism, stating that the matzoh, a symbol of freedom, is eaten with the maror, the bitter herbs.
"He said, ‘There’s always the matzoh and the maror together.’"
The New York Jewish Week