A (non) shiva call app - The Jewish Standard

A friend of mine lost his father.

Years ago, we used to see each other a lot. We used to have deep conversations into the night. But as life goes on, we now rarely bump into each other, once a year or so. Always a big hug and a quick chat to catch up, but with both of our lives being busy, that’s pretty much our relationship nowadays.

Still, when something like this happens, you make a shiva call, or at the very least you send a shiva message.

So I opened my phone. And when I clicked on his name, I saw our last interaction: a message from him after I lost my mother a few months ago.

Ouch.

Here we are, I thought to myself. Clearly, we care for each other. When I sat shiva, he reached out to me. When he is sitting shiva, I am reaching out to him. But I wish we didn’t interact only when we have to make a shiva call.

So I came up with an idea for an app.

I will call the app “The Shiva Call App,” and this is how it will work. Once in a while — you decide how often — it will scan your phone and select a random contact from your contact list.

It will then ask you: if this person lost someone, would you make a shiva call? If you answer yes, the next screen will say, “Don’t wait for something bad to happen! Call them today to say hello.”

How do you like the idea?

I really like it. The only thing I don’t like is the app’s name. “The Shiva Call App” is a strong name; it also makes people think and might motivate them to act, but it still has a negative undertone.

Thinking of it, I think I have another name: instead of shiva — seven — how about we call it shmoneh — eight? In Judaism, seven represents nature. It fits the shiva idea because death is part of the cycle of life; this is how nature is. But shmoneh, eight, is a number that represents miracles, higher than nature.

To make a shiva call is natural. To call someone just because, especially if it’s someone you haven’t spoken to in ages, is above nature.

Why am I sharing this million-dollar app idea so openly?

Because I am being honest with myself, and I am not creating this app any time soon. So if you read this and want to “steal” this idea, go right ahead.

Plus, why wait for an app to do something good? Doing an act of kindness and showing care to each other is exactly what we need right now.

Last week we commemorated Tisha B’Av, the day we mourn the destruction of the Holy Temple. We don’t only mourn the destruction of a beautiful but ancient physical space. We mourn the loss of closeness we experienced there. The Beit Hamikdash was the place where every person could come and feel G-d’s presence, and this is something we are greatly missing today.

Our sages teach: “Why was Beit Hamikdash destroyed? Because of baseless hatred.” So baseless love, acts of unconditional caring for each other, is what is going to build the third Beit Hamikdash.

And that one phone call you will make might be the one thing we are all waiting for.

Mendy Kaminker is the rabbi of Chabad of Hackensack and an editorial member of Chabad.org. He looks forward to your comments at rabbi@chabadhackensack.com.

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