Too hot!

When you watch too many shows on television, your whole life starts to become a TV show. Truth is, sometimes these shows validate how you feel about your own life/family. For example, when I used to watch “The Middle,” I would ask Husband #1 how they knew what was going on in our house.

It would always make me feel better about my inadequate parenting skills when some actress was acting out exactly what I would be doing. Hey, I am not the only one! I am not really crazy! (Questionable, but I digress.)

Anyway, after I watched “Fauda” a few years ago and “Homeland” more recently, I thought that every car was suspicious. Someone was always following me and everyone looked like they were up to no good. And, somehow, there was always appropriate music playing in the background.

I am now watching “Orange is the New Black.” And every woman I see looks like she has been in prison, should be in prison, or is about to go to prison.

The “Law & Orders” — many years ago, on one of our baseball road trips, we went to Camden Yards for a Baltimore Orioles game. Somehow, I lost my ticket. When I went to customer service, they told me that someone had already entered the park with my ticket and was sitting in my seat. (They issued me another ticket, which is not really relevant to the story, but definitely relevant to how wonderful customer service is outside of New York.)

Here is the plot: A person is murdered sitting in my seat. They think it is me because, well, that was my original ticket, but the killer didn’t know that I had lost my ticket and some poor innocent ticket stealer was assassinated instead.

The plot thickens. Husband #1 had just taken out a $10 million life insurance policy on me. He is finally arrested but found not guilty after a total assault on my character by many witnesses and ends up gaining the sympathy of the world. He then writes a book and wins the Nobel peace prize.

After writing this episode in my head, I reach out to someone in the entertainment industry who says he thinks it is a great idea and will help direct me to the right people who can help get the episode made. Of course he, like most people, is full of it, and I never hear from him again. Oh well.

Well, now I have a real life Lifetime movie in the making. Our heat upstairs does not turn off. It just keeps running and it keeps getting hotter and hotter. 75 degrees, 76 degrees, 80 degrees. Husband #1 keeps the thermostat at 68 degrees when the kids aren’t over, so we are used to a nice, comfortable chill in the air.

It got so hot over Shabbos (not a euphemism) that we had to open the windows. When I was walking Husband #1 to synagogue, someone commented on how cold it was out. Nope, this was pleasant to compared to what was going on in our house.

The plot — someone is trying to melt us. Someone is trying to get our heating bill so high that we have to declare bankruptcy. Or drive Husband #1 crazy, because he has to pay the said high heating bill.

What is going on? And what a great campy horror film this would make.

Anyone know anyone who can get this film produced?

I didn’t think so.

Apparently, this had happened in my mom’s house, and it wasn’t me who did it, and the plumber came and changed a valve and now it is back to normal. Husband #1 and I are hoping for the same result because, honestly, it is a really creepy feeling when your house is “running” you and not the other way around. Why are the baseboards still hot????

Like when you tell your kids to throw out their water bottles and they don’t listen. Or like when you tell your kids to most anything and they don’t listen.

Good times…

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is looking forward to a special one-day-only Camp Babka. She hopes it goes well. She also hopes that Husband #1 passes his kidney stone, but that is for next week’s exciting column.