Responding with our Godly souls

One of the biggest sources of stress in our lives is other people. We find ourselves in shock at what someone might say to us. We cannot believe how much chutzpah someone else has regarding something they did. And while we wish we could control what others say or do to hurt us, we all know that we can really control only ourselves. So what tip do I try to offer to myself when dealing with difficult people? Actually, the answer comes from this week’s parasha, Breishit.

It’s amazing to me how the beginning of the Torah starts. God is entirely in control. God creates the sky and the heavens. God singlehandedly brings into being animals and birds, along with the sun, moon, and stars. And after many verses that show God’s power, we finally get to the creation of man, on the sixth day. And it is there that we realize that God was not alone.

The Torah reads: “And God said: ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.’” (Gen. 1:26).

How shocking it is that God is not alone! While God had the power to make all other aspects of creation alone, is it possible that God needed help to create humans? The use of plural forms of words like “us” and “our” leads us to question who else is with God. And if we are meant to take after “our” likeness, presumably this means that we have to know who else is with God. It’s not enough to say that we should be like God. But we should be like God and the other beings who are part of the “us.”

The interpretation of the Ramban speaks to this very question. The Ramban shares how the body of a man comes from the earth, and therefore our physical being resembles the earth. Our soul, on the other hand, resembles the higher beings. This is what makes us different from animals.

We humans are a combination of both the lower beings and the upper beings. And as such, we constantly try to balance how we respond to others like animals and how we respond to people like holy celestial beings.

Sometimes we resort to making animalistic choices in unhealthy ways. When dealing with difficult people, we act out of rage, out of a sense of self-protection, all for our own survival. We might feel hurt, and so we respond in kind with insults, or even by bullying. Perhaps we may regret our choice, but we still know we can’t take it back.

But the goal of a righteous and holy person is to respond with our higher self. The way that we act in God’s image — and the image of the heavenly celestial beings — is by suppressing our temptation to respond with our physical, bodily, animal-driven instincts that cause harm to the other. This is what it means to be one who was made “in our image” and in God’s image.

We become Godly people when we give others the benefit of the doubt. We call on our upper holy selves by truly listening to the other without judgment and malice. We become divine beings when we extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. And above all else, we epitomize what it means to act in God’s image when we recognize how the pain of others impacts their ability to be holy — without allowing their pain to prevent us from being holy.

This does not mean that we cannot sometimes respond with the more animalistic side of ourselves. Sometimes this is important as a way of protecting ourselves. When we feel wronged or slighted, we use our voice to self-advocate. We stand up for ourselves. This is so important because otherwise we continue to enable the negative cycle of behavior or abuse of the other.

But the key to being a divine human, even when responding with our protective instincts, is to respond with our higher selves nonetheless. We can stand up for ourselves in kind ways. We can protect ourselves, our families, and our communities even while maintaining sacred standards of kavod, of honor, for the other.

How do I deal with difficult people?

Well, on a bad day, I might respond with the side of me that was made from the earth, my animalistic side. After all, we’re all human.

But on a good day, I try to remind myself of two things, inspired by parashat Breishit.

First, I remind myself that the person in front of me was made in God’s image, in “our image.” And second, I invoke, I reach for, I sometimes even stumble toward calling upon that heavenly part of my soul, the kind that mirrors who God wants me to be.

What a gift it is to be human. What a blessing it is to not merely rely on our body’s natural, earthly instincts, but also to call upon the higher versions of ourselves to respond to others in the most Godly of ways.