Modern-day Purim

I am not even sure what to write about this week. All I know is that I am grateful for all the stupidity that makes us laugh during times like this. I am also grateful for comfort food and Klonopin. If one more person talks about how this is a “modern-day” Purim…well, here is my take on that.

For years, my whole life, I have heard about the Purim story. King Achashverosh, Vashti, Haman, Mordechai, and Esther. The Jews are supposed to be killed. Vashti has acne. Esther fasts before going before the king to save her people, but really she is fasting because there was no Ozempic available in Persia….we all have heard this story.

A woman saves the day, Haman and his brothers are executed, we should all give money to poor people and bags of goodies to our friends and neighbors.

And Megillah Man reads a 15-minute Megillah.

Anyone ever wonder what was happening to everyone else? The weddings that were put on hold before the fate of the Jewish people was decided, babies who were being born, people who needed to go to the doctor, funerals (unfortunately). Joe Shmo Jew who had a really bad stomach virus and needed to be rehydrated in the emergency room.

We never heard those stories of the people who were living in that time and what they were going through.

Did anyone ever even think about them? Until this past weekend, I was one of those people who did not think about them. But now, how could you not? Anyone know if there are any books on the subject?

But now that we are here, on “modern-day” Purim, I have Danish and her sisters and her parents, Matzo Ball and his parents, all in Israel, and I have instructions from my Oreos to say any perek of tehillim that I want.

So if you see me walking around town, singing “Shir Hamaalot” from benching, you now know why.

What am I doing, aside from overeating, to get through this? Go on Dansdeals on Facebook. I usually am not on Dansdeals because I don’t really understand what his deals are, but he (Dan? Is he a person? Is that his name?) was posting videos from Israel because he just happened to be there for a family bar mitzvah. So perhaps he was even more invested in the situation because he was right in the middle of it.

He posted all the information on all the airlines and cancellations and what El Al is doing and notices about border crossings that are opened so people can fly out through Egypt or wherever there are places to leave from. That’s all very helpful for the over 35,000 tourists who are currently in Israel. That number is according to Dan. I think.

We are in the middle of a war, we are supposed to come together and get along and be kind to one another. Nope. War or no war, people can be the worst.

Some person innocently posts, “My elderly mother is in Israel and she is supposed to come home next week. Should we rebook on another airline?” (Not an exact post, but you get the point.)

You would think this poor guy asked for heroin the way the mean comments were being hurled at him. Actually, I am wondering if folks would have been nicer to him if he had asked for heroin. “How are we supposed to know?” “Does this site have a crystal ball?” “What possessed you to ask that question?”

Come on people — be nice! Be sensitive! Am Yisroel Chai, you mean morons!!!!!! This poor guy is just worried about his mother!!! Sorry, that got a little heated.

Allow me to share with you that I am supposed to go to Israel for Pesach. I am putting it out into the universe because I really want to be in Israel for Pesach so I can be with Danish and her sisters and her parents.

Dear God, please bring peace to Israel and the world so I can go to Israel for Pesach, because it is all about me. That is really all I got. Hashem Yishmor, and may our Purim have a happy ending as well.

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck hopes this nightmare will be over by the time you read this. She also hopes, on a lighter note, that if you receive any snack size Snickers bars in your shaloch Manot that you don’t want, please bring them over! Thank you!