The plane, the plane

The plane, the plane

I don’t like to write about things that might happen because, as we all know, (and some of us know better than others) man plans and God laughs.

That being said, I will try my best to stay in the present, because my deadline is tomorrow and I am not sure what else will happen before I land. All I know is that the flight attendants just started saying, “No davening because the seatbelt sign is on.” Yup, after saying it about eight times and as more men were accumulating in the designated praying area, an announcement just came over the loudspeaker. That means they mean business. “Absolutely no praying when the seatbelt sign is turned on!”

Thank goodness it is Maariv and not Mincha, with Mincha being time sensitive and all (and I was witness to two different Mincha minyans in the airport).

So here I am, sitting in an aisle seat on the plane going to visit son #3. What I have learned from sitting in an aisle seat — you need very resilient elbows because those food and drink carts wait for no man or woman. You need serious Olympic training in order to smoothly and deftly avoid being permanently maimed by those carts. Oh wait, “Ladies and Gentleman, those who wish to pray, the galley area is now available.” Thank God. Oh wait, a few Oreos just missed the beginning. Does that mean there will be a second minyan in the back of the plane?

It is at times like this that I wish husband #1 was with me. Where is he, you ask? He is the hungry man running around Teaneck with no underwear because I forgot to teach him how to do the laundry. I am kidding — I left him labeled meals in the refrigerator and I did the laundry before I left, so he is good for the week. If not, he has his reserves. (No, I am not kidding. Yes, I wish I was kidding.) Doesn’t every man have reserves? Briefs if they wear boxers or boxers if they wear briefs? Some exotic colored undergarments that they bought on sale? Or bought from a Walgreens when they realized they forgot to pack undergarments on a trip to Chicago? (Or maybe that was just my darling husband….)

OK, now there is an Oreo who is dangerously close to sitting on me. This is a very long Maariv service, and it is extending into the aisles. Wonder if you add any prayers when you are on a plane? Gotta remember to ask my Oreos that question.

So now we are a few hours into the flight, and a few hours from landing. There has been one man who has been coughing practically nonstop the entire flight, so that has been fun for all of the people around him. I have watched two movies. For those interested, the movie “Plus One” stars Jack Quaid, who, for those of you in the know, is Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid’s son. I give it a solid C+. And then there is the movie “Pom,” starring Diane Keaton. That one was simply adorable, and if you are over the age of 45, you will definitely appreciate it. If you are over the age of 65, you will absolutely love it. I give that one an A-. I didn’t eat the lunch that was served, but the turkey sandwich that was served at 4:30 a.m. Israel time hit the spot. And I now have a can of Diet Coke in my bag for later.

My final topic for this rambling airplane column will be walking on a plane. Well, I finally starting following a woman who broke through the mean girl flight attendant posse and convinced them that she had to do laps for medical reasons (and since she was sitting next to the guy with the plague, she wasn’t really lying) and I attached myself to her bandwagon and started following her. We probably did a solid half mile, and I only bumped into a handful of heads that had fallen asleep and were hanging past their designated seat boundaries. (Is there another term for that?) There were also one or two heavyset fellows who might have some new bruises, but such is life.

OK, I will stop the rambling now. Hopefully, by the time you read this, I will have many more healthy and wonderful tales to tell (whether they will be fiction or nonfiction is still up for discussion) and I hope you are all enjoying whatever is that you have been doing all week. Oh, and if you see husband #1, give him a high five for surviving without me for a few days — or for managing to get rid of me for a few days. It’s all how you look at it!

Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is hoping that she still will fit into the seat on the plane for the return trip home, as she plans on eating her way through Israel.

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