More Jewish Haiku

Lacking fins or tail
The gefilte fish swims with
Great difficulty.

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Beyond Valium,
Peace is knowing one’s child
Is an internist.

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On Passover we
Opened the door for Elijah
Now our cat is gone.

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After the warm rain
The sweet smell of camellias
Did you wipe your feet?

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Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
Of her friend’s disease.

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Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
To the seventh grade.

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Testing the warm milk
On her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

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The sparkling blue sea
Reminds me to wait an hour
After my sandwich.

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Like a bonsai tree,
Is your terrible posture
At my dinner table.

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Jews on safari —
Map, compass, elephant gun,
Hard sucking candies.

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The same kimono
The top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann’s.

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Mom, please! There is no
Need to put that dinner roll
In your pocketbook.

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Seven-foot Jews in
The NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings .

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Sorry I’m not home
To take your call. At the tone
Please state your bad news.

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Is one Nobel Prize
So much to ask from a child
After all I’ve done?

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Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you’ll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh

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Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

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Quietly murmured
At Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 3, Red Sox 5.

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A lovely nose ring,
Excuse me while I put my
Head in the oven.

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Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
Male-pattern baldness