Hello there! I hope this column finds you healthy and without a bat in your hand ready to hit one of your loved ones over the head with.
Folks, this has been an experience for all of us. Some of us have older parents who we haven’t hugged in weeks, some of us have gone through life-changing health crises…. It has been a time of firsts that none of us thought would ever happen. And one of those firsts happened to me.
Son #3, my adorable baby, was telling me that he really wants to start helping me more and he wants to learn how to do laundry. I have spoken before about how I have totally spoiled my boys, will apologize to their wives (as I have to dil #1), but feel that as their mom, by doing everything for them, I am showing them that I love them. OK haters, say what you would like. I totally understand that you all are a lot more cranky now that you haven’t left the house in weeks, so I can take it. Let your frustrations out on me — it’s all good.
Anyway, as a joke, son #3 goes down to the laundry room and puts his entire bag of clothes into the machine while it’s still in the bag. Really funny kid, right? Well, unbeknownst to either of us, he had loosened the connection to the outlet, and when we took the bag out and put his clothes and detergent in, the machine didn’t turn on. I pressed the button again and it didn’t turn on. And I pressed it again, and it didn’t turn on. Son #3 looked at me with that, “Oh no, my mom is going to lose it” face. And he was right.
I guess all of the anxiety that I have been pushing down boiled over into “Oh my God if I don’t have a washing machine this will be the worst thing in the entire world!!!” Truth is, if I didn’t have a washing machine, no one in my family would really care except for husband #1 when he would run out of his reserve pairs of boxers … and if I didn’t have a washing machine I wouldn’t have to do laundry, but, thankfully, I figured out the problem, and now is all is right with the world. Well, at least the world of my family’s laundry.
Next on the agenda are lessons learned in quarantine. I have learned exactly how to hold my phone up during FaceTime sessions so the wrinkles on the side of my mouth that are now extending down to my chin aren’t as noticeable. The problem is that if you hold the phone too high up, you can see how badly you need to color your hair. Yup, first world problems.
Next — what is this Zoom thing? Did someone just invent it? Had anyone ever used it before? And why do people choose to be seen on Zoom when they don’t need to be? What happens if you want to pick your nose or yell at someone in the room? And am I the only one who starts singing the theme song to the Brady Bunch?
Next — WhatsApp groups. As some of you know, I am not the most social person in the world. In fact, this self quarantine thing hasn’t been much different for me than my normal life. In fact, I think I have been more social since the quarantine situation. Which, I guess, is sad, but who cares. Anyway, a very kind and lovely neighbor (and when I say neighbor, I mean someone who lives near me, not next door to me) put me in a WhatsApp group for many people who live in the area. Everyone was introducing themselves and being so friendly and then I left the group. And apologized to the person with the big heart who put me in it. Apparently, I can’t handle large WhatsApp crowds either. But I tried. And I did make one new friend who is a really good baker, so that will only help me put back all the weight that I have lost. Apparently Makemomthinagain has turned into Makemombigagain.
In any event, I hope you are all staying healthy and sane. Are appreciating the quality family time and are staying in the present. It is all we can do.
With love to all of you (again, even the ones who don’t like me)
The Frazzled Housewife.
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck has enough kosher for Passover coffee cake mix to feed all of Teaneck.