For months, people were talking about the eclipse. On August 21, 2017, the moon was going to cover the sun. Or the sun was going to cover the moon — I am still not really sure. The sky was going to darken, the leaves were going to shake, and the world was going to come to an end. Apparently aliens were going to make an appearance — Big Foot could be seen in your local neighborhood and the Loch Ness monster was coming into full selfie mode.
You could get a really good view of this phenomenon in South Carolina, Oregon, and other assorted locations. But if you even looked at the sun, you could seriously damage your eyes. Sunburn of the retina, they were calling it. But the results weren’t immediate. It could take a few days before you would realize the kind of permanent damage that you did. Companies were making a fortune on “eclipse glasses,” which looked just like 3-D glasses. Eye care professionals everywhere were getting ready for calls and emergency appointments. It was like New Year’s Eve 1999 all over again!
Parents who had kids in camp went a little nuts, and thousands of phone calls were made. “What are you going to do to protect my kid’s eyes?” Some camps opted to invest in the eclipse glasses and let the cute guys run free. Some camps chose to put a movie on and keep the kids inside and as safe as possible. I chose to take son #3 out for pizza, and we remained indoors until it was safe to go out. I have no idea what time that was. I just told him to keep his head down.
Do I ever look at the sun? I don’t think so. But if you tell someone not to do something, aren’t they automatically going to do it?
In any event, this natural phenomena got me thinking about other phenomena that we are privy to. I still remember Halley’s Comet, and how my dad went out and bought a telescope for us to witness astronomical history. The telescope is still in my parents’ living room. And then another phenomena occurred last week, while I was on the Island of Long. (Yes, I am taking you back there, but fortunately, you don’t have to pay any tolls!)
I was walking to shul and I noticed a young woman in front of me wearing a lovely blue strapless dress and sneakers. Now I am not the epitome of fashion, but I knew that she was wearing the sneakers to keep her feet comfortable on the long walk to her destination. Inside her fashionable LuLuLemon tote (you know, the store for people who have less than 5 percent body fat) was probably a pair of very expensive and very uncomfortable high heels. I got that, and so far I was following along.
But then I noticed that on her head was a shower cap. One of those big, old-fashioned caps that had flowers or butterflies on it.
This was new. Had she just come out of the shower? After some investigating, I discovered that she was wearing the shower cap to keep her hair from frizzing. This is a natural phenomena — hair that frizzes even with a ton of ant-frizz product in it. Who knew that if you wore a shower cap, the hair would defy nature and remain straight and smooth? Who needs the eclipse when you can go to the Island of Long and learn about such advancements in science?
When we finally got to shul, I couldn’t wait to see what her hair looked liked. I had visions of one of those shampoo commercials when she flips her head up and her perfectly coiffed hair comes down around her shoulders.
Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. And if you think about it, the cap probably traps heat and adds to the frizz, but I am not a scientist, nor do I work for the hair care industry, so I really have no idea. She looked fine before the cap, she looked fine after the cap, and I am just going to stick to risking the frizz. Because I just don’t think that wearing a shower cap would go well with the fashionable fake crocs that I wear.
As for other phenomena? Feel free to submit any that I can further investigate for you. I would love to help!
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck cannot believe that her baby is turning 17 this week. She hopes that all of his wishes come true and that God protects him and all of the other drivers on the road…